We need to stop using “self-care” to excuse behaviours that harm us in the long run.
Self-care has become the new buzzword for almost everything. Ignored all your calls and messages for a week? “I’m protecting my peace.” Burnt your food? “It’s fine, I’m practicing self-care.”Stayed up and binged on Netflix until 3AM? “I’m having some me time.”
Now, don’t get me wrong; self-care is important. Very important. Living in a world that keeps demanding more from us, taking time to breathe, rest, and recharge is a necessity.
But somewhere along the line, we started confusing toxic habits with genuine self-care. We began masking our unhealthy coping mechanisms with pretty words and aesthetic Instagram quotes.
Sometimes, what we call “self-care” is really just avoidance, denial, or plain old bad habits in disguise. It’s easy to justify the things that feel good in the moment but slowly eat away at our well-being.
So, let’s talk about it. What are some toxic habits many of us have mistakenly labelled as self-care?
- Cutting people off without communication
Yes, boundaries are healthy. But there’s a difference between setting boundaries and ghosting everyone who rubs you the wrong way.
Not every conflict requires a dramatic “cut-off.” Sometimes, growth comes from hard conversations, not disappearing acts. If we cut everyone off without explanation, we may be choosing comfort over connection, and that’s not self-care.
- Spending money to ‘feel better’
Retail therapy can give a quick dopamine hit. But turning to shopping every time you’re stressed or sad isn’t self-care, it’s avoidance.
Blowing your budget and stressing over money later isn’t healing, either. Real self-care sometimes looks like budgeting, saving, and learning to sit with your feelings instead of swiping them away with am ATM card.
- Avoiding responsibilities in the name of rest
“Rest is productive,” they say. And it is, until it becomes an excuse to avoid real-life tasks. Ignoring deadlines, letting dishes pile up, and ghosting work meetings might feel freeing in the moment, but they create chaos long-term. True self-care is about balance: rest, yes, but also showing up for your life.
- Overindulging in ‘me time’ and isolating
There’s nothing wrong with loving your own company. But when ‘me time’ becomes an excuse to isolate, that’s a red flag.
Humans are wired for connection. Isolation can lead to loneliness and depression, even if it’s dressed up as self-care. If you’re always alone and calling it peace, ask yourself: is it peace, or just protection from vulnerability?
- Toxic positivity in the name of ‘staying positive’
Forcing yourself to “just be positive” no matter what is not self-care, it’s emotional suppression. Life is messy. You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, and frustrated.
Real self-care is sitting with those emotions, processing them, and then finding healthy ways to move forward. Not every cloud needs a silver lining slapped on it.
Self-care isn’t always soft blankets, bubble baths, and ignoring the world. Sometimes, it’s tough love. It’s therapy. It’s budgeting. It’s choosing growth over comfort.
Let’s stop using “self-care” to excuse behaviours that harm us in the long run. The goal is not just to feel good for a moment—but to be well for life.
